Where the book was from:- Walton Library
ISBN: - 0852236573
Pages: - -
Genre: - Non-fiction - humour
How I came across it: - Browsing
Rating: - ***** ***
General comments:-
A little juvenile and probably considered by some to be blasphemous but when I read it in 1991 this 827.914 from Jeremy Pascall kept me entertained for a few hours and certainly had me chuckling at times. I may be biased but I automatically have a soft spot for anyone who uses plenty of zeds - as in realize, civilize and apologize. So many people nowadays think the letter only appears in the ward zoo. To ignore it at other tines seems such a waste of a good letter to me.
Quotations:
What most people don't realize is that I have a highly developed sense of humour. Why else do you think I created the Belgians?
That's the trouble with you anthropoids, you're so impatient.. Sometimes I wonder why I bother with creatures who consider the peak of their civilization to be the bedside radio alarm with snooze button facility.
Consequently, I'd invented the most intelligent creature in the entire fifteen universes - the dolphin. However, dolphins are so intelligent they quickly realized that running the planet would lead to such evils as tension, stress, ulcers, war and polyester leisure suits and refused to waste their intellect on such trivia.
Within that one day I had created Adam and Eve, man and woman, and before long they were doing what man and woman would do throughout history. They were arguing.
I do object to being treated like some cosmic insurance policy - you don't like paying your premiums but you're quick enough to call on Me when something goes seriously wrong.
I do apologize for teeth, they are so unreliable, I'll look again at their design when - I mean if - I ever think of scrapping you anthropoids and starting anew.
In the meantime one word for any atheists among you: wrong.
(Footnote:- The question of the Virgin Birth has taxed the finest theological minds - and some bishops of the church - for two millennia. Recent debates about surrogacy have largely ignored the fact that The Author employed not only a surrogate mother but a surrogate father - the Holy Ghost - as well. Atheists have frequently cited the Virgin Mary as an argument against The Author, one recently declaring, 'Even if there was a God, would you trust, a man who got an unmarried girl pregnant and then cried to blame it on someone else?')
AUTHOR Notes:-
Jeremy Pascall (? - 30 Aug 2001) was an English screenwriter, broadcaster, journalist and author. He specialized in writing about humour and rock music, starting his career at the magazine New Musical Express. At 26 he moved on to be a producer at London's Capital Radio. He died on 30 August 2001 from throat cancer
Your point about the use of "zed" is very interesting. I've always felt that Canadians and Americans were considered illiterate for using "zed" instead of "ess" in words like realise/recognise etc. So it's nice to hear that in your case at least that isn't true. But then I've known for a long time that you're a tolerant sort of person! :0)
ReplyDeleteI'm sort of schizo on the subject,and use either "s" or "z", but try to be consistent. If I'm writing a letter or an essay, I usually pick one and stick with it throughout.
Thanks for another interesting post.
Cheers! Canadian Chickadee
Happy with Zed but unhappy with Trash Can!!
ReplyDeleteLiked the "as in the ward (sic) zoo" - ha, how amusing. In my experience most wards have a zoo of sorts. On the other hand most words don't.